Whew

So the week was capped off by my second car accident in the last two years. This one was definitely my fault, I'll definitely be paying the other guy's damage, and I got to watch my car get towed for the first time ever. The body damage was minimal on the Mach 5, but it wouldn't start after I moved it out of the intersection where the collision happened. My dad thinks it's the drive shaft or the alternator ... both of which could be bad news. For now, I cast the destiny of my vehicle to the Fates (at least until early next week).

The rest of the week was spent either forgetting about appointments, accidentally double scheduling myself, or losing my glasses. The glasses are missing for good this time, I think. I still can't sleep for more than a couple hours at a time without waking up, and usually then in a cold sweat. To top things off, for some reason I just can't seem to calm down anymore. I'm wired with this nameless dread or intense stress that I just can't shrug off. I've tried everything ... going to bed earlier, cutting coffee, working out, spending more time on music. I wonder if there's anything else to be done?

What's most frightening about this unusual behavior is the effect it's had on the nights I go out. When the option to drink presents itself, I immediately cast aside the idea of drinking moderately in favor of getting intensely drunk. A very large part of me just wants the stress and constant mind racing to abate, and a very practical way to do that is to drink into myself into thoughtlessness. I've actually gone out of my way to not drink at all this week after the events of last weekend. I don't trust myself to be safe ...

Hah, funny example of my current mindset- I just realized I haven't eaten anything today since 11 AM. I haven't been hungry at all. And I know if I go to bed soon because I'm tired, I'm going to lay awake and wait for the clock to tick beside me for a few hours.

Oh well ... time to go watch some Office and see if there's some wisdom to be garnered there. In times of crisis, always ask yourself: What Would Michael Do?