East East East

It's drum corps weekend in the Lehigh Valley. This one might take the cake for the amount of time I'll be spending on the activity; it'll probably be the most since '05 when I actually marched. The best part is that I discovered where the Cadets are staying for the weekend through a friend of mine in the Allentown Band. We all know what that means ... rehearsal watching. Yes.

Here's the schedule. If anyone wants to be included in this celebration of music in motion, let me know.

Friday, August 1st
DCI East Championship (I)
Allentown, PA
J. Birney Crum Stadium
Step-off at 6:30 PM

Saturday, August 2nd
Cadet Rehearsal
Bethlehem, PA
Freedom High School
10/11 AM - Whenever

DCI East Championships (II)
Allentown, PA
J. Birney Crum Stadium
Step-off at 6:30 PM

Sunday, August 3rd
Music in Motion
Westminster, MD
Westminster High School
Step-off at 7:00 PM

For Holy Name Shall Always Be.

Amen.

1005

I would not think to cut my heart from Wood
The cover of boys and birds.
Able to give and bend and age and groan,
Adaptable to the ravages of wind and rain,
But weak to fire-
To be swallowed in an instant
By the slightest kindling
Left only as dull ache and biting smoke
Losing form and soul alike-
And worse to be at once a ghost
Having lived but been consumed.

I would not think to carve my heart from Stone,
The seat of kings and queens.
Able to withstand but the hottest fire,
Stalwart long (but not forever)
Against the hardest rain,
Taken from the deep base of the mountain
or the summit that scratches the sky,
Either way sacrificing
Purpose for flawed form-
And worse to be broken, shattered
By the tiniest pebble tossed in the wind.

I would not think to cleave my heart from Iron,
The ribbing of cities and men.
Able to bear the weight of the mountain,
Tempered by the purging fire,
Bending in time with the wind
Ignorant of its attempts-
Weak however to rain
which may rust,
A corruption of form-
And worse to then collapse, tearing down
The rest of this delicate structure.

I would so think to cast my heart from Steel
The skin of soldiers and sky,
Being desirous as I am
Of strength in bending.
Unscorched by your eyes
Unmoved by your voice
Dry to your tears-
Thereby shirking your elements
Which burn and break and rust lesser earths.

But this being the worst
Because I could be safe for ages-
Strong
Cold
And wishing you would return
To somehow destroy my perfect form.

My Worst Enemy

"Hello, this is Dwight Schrute calling from Dunder-Mifflin, and according to our records you appear to be low on office supplies."

My dad has a way of revitalizing and inspiring that few others do. Maybe it's the fact that he's normally so stoic, making his words that much more impactful when he does speak. Maybe it's because I love and respect him so much. Regardless, what he said this weekend hit home.

This morning I woke up, took a shower, threw on my work clothes, put up an away message, and then walked over to the dresser where I keep the day's effects. Today included:

-wallet
-glasses
-keys
-cell phone
-ID badge
-desk keys
-blistex
-iPod

... and there, sitting in the corner of the drawer, was a gray bracelet that said, "Support the Rabid." I put it on for the first time since the end of the schoolyear.

Of course my feelings haven't changed all that much, if at all. Of course I oscillate from day to day, hour to hour, often minute to minute. Of course writing this down is probably more for the purpose of convincing myself than for convincing anyone else. But there's a difference between living with those feelings and living while being trapped by those feelings. My dad helped me figure that out.

So for now?

Another day, another segue.

Weakness

I have a significant weakness for certain aspects of an individual's personality. They take on the form of the same outlets I use for emotional release: music and writing. That isn't to say I'm not moved by the other interests, passions, and loves that help to comprise a person ... I'm just most easily swayed by those two.

As I've discussed before, there is something deeply personal for me about sharing the music that moves a person most intensely. It's a direct reflection of my own love of the art form and the effect it has on me. I'm usually pretty open about sharing my love of certain songs or artists. Like everything else I feel, my reactions are pinned directly to my sleeve for all to see. When someone else can do the same and offer me insight into their own musical loves, then, I begin to feel connected to them in a way I don't feel with others. I come to feel that I know them on a level below the surface, closer to where their emotions really lie.

Looking across my past, this theory is pretty easy to trace. The friends I've had the strongest relationships with have always been found through music, either as fellow players, marchers, or listeners. Among the romantic relationships and interests I've had, regardless of their length and intensity, the same pattern is clear. I've felt most strongly attached to those women with whom I was able to connect on a deeper musical level. Other factors obviously came into play, but in general this theory holds across the last 8 years without question.

Aside: have a really been dating people for 8 years? Holy crap.

More recently I've come to appreciate writing as a form of personal expression, probably within the last 3 years or so. Since then it's become a consistent outlet for me, even when I find myself unable to write in an articulate or thought-forming way. Being able to read the personal writings of others has since come to have a similar effect on the way I view and connect with an individual. From the most superficial blathering about a bad day to the most heartrending confession, all writing reveals something about the writer. And it's once again that revelation, that sharing, that lets me feel so much more in tune with someone.

I guess the most important thing I can take away from this line of thinking is that whomever I become involved with in the future, for now or forever, I would hope that music and writing could become an intrinsic part of the relationship we share. I know now how vastly influential and positive those connections are for me. I have no worries about artistic connections in friendship. I've always been drawn to fellow musicians as friends. It's just something to keep in mind romantically because musical or written connection seems to be the thing that transcends the usual machinations I throw up in self-defense. I can be very good at keeping others out, intentionally or otherwise; this might be a way to let them in on mutual terms.

And besides- is there anything more frightening, exciting, dangerous, or intimate than driving around listening to music in the darkness, or reading your most secret thoughts aloud to someone?

Perhaps ... but the list seems pretty short.

Happy Sunday.

Compostela

I've tried writing almost 20 entries in the last two weeks that I haven't been able to finish. Some thought process will start, some notion of what I want to say, and something halting will come between the beginning and the end. As a result, 17 beguiling posts sit in my "Edit Posts" column; nearly all of them are stopped mid sentence, even, as opposed to mid entry or mid paragraph.

Sometimes I can't say what I want to say in a way that I like.

Sometimes I can't easily articulate my thoughts into a cohesive flow.

And sometimes ... many times ... I just can't figure out what I even want to say.

Of course the importance of writing isn't necessarily finishing, but the attempt. I know that. And insomuch as the attempt is being made, I suppose I should be content. It feels like I've lost my words, outside of posting those of others or quipping about workplace idiocy or mentioning some exterior event going on. Maybe that's best for now.

It's just sort of a shame ... I was thinking in the car today that I love summer for its inspiration. These three months are the season when I usually feel most invigorated and motivated to explore music, writing, and reading in ways that I can't during the year. In a little over a month, time will shrink back to its normal size, and the race will start anew.

I hope I can maybe sort through what's happening now and rediscover a way to communicate. It's not the lack of communication with others I fear most, really- that always comes in time- but it's my inability to communicate with myself. It's a lonely feeling in a way I've never experienced before.

On the plus side ... I just finished this post.

Goodnight.

Hedging

Lessons in Love, by Way of Economics
By BEN STEIN

AS my fine professor of economics at Columbia, C. Lowell Harriss (who just celebrated his 96th birthday) used to tell us, economics is the study of the allocation of scarce goods and services. What could be scarcer or more precious than love? It is rare, hard to come by and often fragile.

My primary life study has been about love. Second comes economics, so here, in the form of a few rules, is a little amalgam of the two fields: the economics of love. (I last wrote about this subject 20 years or so ago, and it's time to update it.)

In general, and with rare exceptions, the returns in love situations are roughly proportional to the amount of time and devotion invested. The amount of love you get from an investment in love is correlated, if only roughly, to the amount of yourself you invest in the relationship.

If you invest caring, patience and unselfishness, you get those things back. (This assumes, of course, that you are having a relationship with someone who loves you, and not a one-sided love affair with someone who isn't interested.)

High-quality bonds consistently yield more return than junk, and so it is with high-quality love. As for the returns on bonds, I know that my comment will come as a surprise to people who have been brainwashed into thinking that junk bonds are free money. They aren't. The data from the maven of bond research, W. Braddock Hickman, shows that junk debt outperforms high quality only in rare situations, because of the default risk.

In love, the data is even clearer. Stay with high-quality human beings. And once you find that you are in a junk relationship, sell immediately. Junk situations can look appealing and seductive, but junk is junk. Be wary of it unless you control the market. (Or, as I like to tell college students, the absolutely surest way to ruin your life is to have a relationship with someone with many serious problems, and to think that you can change this person.)

Research pays off. The most appealing and seductive (that word again) exterior can hide the most danger and chance of loss. For most of us, diversification in love, at least beyond a very small number, is impossible, so it's necessary to do a lot of research on the choice you make. It is a rare man or woman who can resist the outward and the surface. But exteriors can hide far too much.

In every long-term romantic situation, returns are greater when there is a monopoly. If you have to share your love with others, if you have to compete even after a brief while with others, forget the whole thing. You want to have monopoly bonds with your long-term lover. At least most situations work out better this way. ( I am too old to consider short-term romantic events. Those were my life when Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon were in the White House.)

The returns on your investment should at least equal the cost of the investment. If you are getting less back than you put in over a considerable period of time, back off.

Long-term investment pays off. The impatient day player will fare poorly without inside information or market-controlling power. He or she will have a few good days but years of agony in the world of love.

To coin a phrase: Fall in love in haste, repent at leisure.

Realistic expectations are everything. If you have unrealistic expectations, they will rarely be met. If you think that you can go from nowhere to having someone wonderful in love with you, you are probably wrong.

You need expectations that match reality before you can make some progress. There may be exceptions, but they are rare. When you have a winner, stick with your winner. Whether in love or in the stock market, winners are to be prized.

Have a dog or many dogs or cats in your life. These are your anchors to windward and your unfailing source of love.

Ben Franklin summed it up well. In times of stress, the three best things to have are an old dog, an old wife and ready money. How right he was.

THERE is more that could be said about the economics of love, but these thoughts may divert you while you are thinking about your future.

And let me close with another thought. I am far from glib about the economy. It has a lot of pitfalls facing it. As workers and investors, we know that many dangers lurk in our paths. But so far, these things have always worked themselves out and this one will, too. In the meantime, they say that falling in love is wonderful, and that the best is falling in love with what you have.

Not Even 8 AM Yet

This morning a bottle of cologne fell out of my medicine cabinet and smashed into a thousand pieces on the floor. Since I didn't have time to do more than a cursory wipe of the area before I had to leave for work, there are two fun new developments in that room:

1. A crapload of tiny glass shards is splayed across the room. Thank goodness we don't shower or get naked in there.

2. There is a large, powerful puddle of Calvin Klein's Eternity for Men still sitting on the floor. By the time I get home to fix that, I predict that the bathroom will be unlivable. And to think- I was hoping that I wouldn't have to pee in the rec yard until I was drunk.

To brighten my day and yours, though, here's a conversation that happened between Jeff, Chad, and Brian this morning. It's a winner.

Brian: "So until they figure out what caused that reaction, I'm going to have to get an allergy test."
Jeff: "Those suck. What a pain in the ass."
Brian: "Supposedly it's a little prick test all over your back."
Jeff: "Chad, you used to give your ex-wife a little prick test, didn't you?"
Chad: "Yeah, but that was only twice a year."

Happy Monday morning.

Does It Depress You?

How alone you really are?

Final Dark Knight Trailer

I haven't said this in many a year, but this movie could very well be my favorite of all time if the trailers, reviews, and released footage are any indication. Christian Bale is returning to offer his expert portrayal of Bruce Wayne/Batman- a conflicted, tortured, lonely soul trying to do the best he can. We all know, though, that Heath Ledger's anarchist Joker is going to steal the show.

It's only ten days away. For anyone who wants to see me nerd out in the extreme, make sure you join me during one of the many, many viewings of The Dark Knight I'll be heading to in July and August. The best film ever made about my favorite hero and favorite villain of all time?

Let's put a smile on that face.