West

I look back at myself five years ago, entering college, and I kinda laugh.

Borderline neurotic. Desperate. Yearning to prove. And most importantly, most poignantly, most depressingly ... afraid. Absolutely scared to death. Of what?

The whole world.

What if I couldn't do it? What if I didn't make friends? What if I lost her? What if I let my parents down? What would I do with my life? What would I do day to day?

All I wanted was reassurance. If I could have found some way to stay in my comfort zone where I could control everything, I dare say I would have. But what would have been the point of that?

Fear has been the source of all my regrets and mistakes. Fear of disapproval, fear of failure, fear of new things. Fear of loss ... that's probably the worst one. I fear losing things that I'm not even all that attached to, let alone the things I actually love. Nothing gets solved by giving in to that fear, though. Usually acting out of that fear results in more heartache, more sadness, and more regret.

I leave Lehigh and go west in one month. I'm still afraid of some things, but it's very different now. Here, I think I actually learned things worth knowing. Acting out of fear leads to horrible results. I'm capable of overcoming extremely difficult obstacles. Life will continue regardless of what happens, so you better keep going. Most importantly ... optimism and hope count. You can't worry about what hasn't happened yet. All you can do is work for the things that are important to you and not stop.

For now, I'm working to kick off this career thing. I'm working to get out of here on time. I'm working to make it through the year with you far away. I'm working to make sure I stay in touch with family more. I'm working to make new friends and enjoy new experiences. I'm working to keep a sense of humor.

Kentucky, here I come.