Camera Mugging

Much to my chagrin, there aren’t too many similarities between where I work now and The Office. The show has a distinctly more dramatic and sitcom-esque style to it, and the characters there are much more exciting, intense, and full of life. Every so often, though, I do get one very Office-like experience: a classic mug-the-camera moment ala Jim Halpert. It’s not overly common for something ridiculous to happen around here, but when it does I just find myself instinctively searching for a camera crew with which to share my joy/mirth/sadness/scorn/general emotion.

And, fortunately for me on this wonderful Friday morning, I recently experienced one such moment.

So I walked into the bathroom at 7:30 AM and heard loud talking. As I rounded the corner I found no one standing there, leading me to believe that there must be two guys in stalls having a conversation. I made a quick check under the doors because now I was curious about who would engage in a loud, ongoing conversation while taking a shit. What this revealed, however, was that there was only one other guy in the bathroom. That’s when I realized … this dude was on his cell phone while dropping the kids off at the pool.

Undoubtedly, the best part of the event was when I heard the topic of his conversation. Here’s a rundown of his dialogue and my responsive thought process as I used the urinal on the opposite side of the room:

“Whatever you want, go ahead. Those details don’t matter that much to me.”

I can’t believe he’s talking on his phone while taking a dump.

“Honey, really, just pick out the ones you want and I’ll look at them when I get home.”

Is he on the phone with his wife? Does she know he’s in the bathroom?

“I do care. I really do. But I’m just saying that you don’t need to wait for me before you make this decision. Pick out the placecard design online and submit it.”

Placecard design? Wait a minute, he can’t be discussing-

“Yes, I care about this wedding!”

Jesus Christ.

“Fine- if you want we can wait until I come home from work and take care of it all this evening. Honey, really, that’s fine.”

She can’t possibly know he’s crapping during this conversation.

“Hang on one sec.”

…?

[light splash]

“Sorry, I’m back.”

… are you fucking kidding me?

And with that, I bid you all a very happy “Friday Morning Following Tequila Thursday.” If your morning was anything like mine, it’s already been tempered by a headache, intense lethargy from only getting 5 hours of sleep, and more than a little disgust at hearing a guy punch the toilet while making wedding plans.

As for the rest of the day, I think it’s time to take a page out of the book of Creed … which, in this case, means I’m going to spend the next 8 hours figuring out what the hell it is I actually do here.

Here’s to summer.