Worth

It only took five years, but I think I'm beginning to understand.

There is nothing wrong with basing your worth on achievement. As a matter of fact, it's the only way to build worth for most people. The key is to work to achieve those things which most align with your values.

I understand myself enough to know that my greatest happiness is derived from achievement, and the recognition of that achievement by others whom I respect or love. In the past I may have derided this quality, and viewed it as a weakness. But truly- where else should I have turned to find a source of self-worth?

I believe now that my mistake was not in the assignment of my source of worth, but in how narrowly I defined its terms. I felt as though something was missing because I included only academic or professional accomplishment in my definition of achievement. And while those two fields do comprise much of the achievement I've gained in my lifetime, it was immature to look only to them. I suppose they were easiest because they were the most simply quantifiable, and were the goals to which I devoted most of my time.

The last six months, though, have brought enough change to my life that I have begun to see more. I always remembered the lessons of the Cadets, but until now I don't think my perspective was broad enough to really appreciate the most important one. What Hop was always trying to say was that achievement means delivering value through excellent performance- and that's all there is to the definition. Achievement need not be restricted to how well I complete engineering calculations or how well I play my trombone. It need not and should not be restricted at all.

As seemingly obvious as this revelation may have been to everyone else, it feels like a new dawn to me. The unveiling of a truth that I have trusted enough to act upon, yet never addressed consciously. It is as though a whole new manner of thinking, previously just beyond my reasonable reach, may now be used day to day. Most importantly, the understanding I am just now chasing and trying to develop brings me to a state of the most serene confidence and joy.

There will be times in my life, right now included, where I will be sad, lonely, hurt, and nervous about the future. I am and will be scared of things. But what I can carry with me is the knowledge of who I am, and what I do.

I strive to achieve- to deliver value, excellently. Doing so brings me the greatest happiness I have known. That knowledge about myself means that, so long as I act with the broadest possible definition of achievement, I never really need fear for my future.

I will continue to work to be an excellent engineer and businessman. I will continue to learn as an excellent student, in whatever fields I may learn, for the rest of my life. More importantly than those two, I will continue to strive for excellence as a son, brother, and friend. Someday, I will work to be an excellent husband, and an excellent father. Because I know that doing well in all these roles is what will bring me happiness, I have no real need to be afraid of what the future will bring.

Whatever happens- and bad things will happen- I will fight to achieve. I will be me ... and I'm lucky to know that.