"Having tried my hand and attempted my mind at a variety of pursuits in my youth, I always found myself lacking in some capacity, either particular or generalized. Whether such deficit lay in the skill of my digits, the coordination of my muscles, the strain of my thought, the pitch of my ear, or the selection of my mind, this has ever been the case.

Initially, I reacted to these discoveries with a sense of determinism. Others could perform such acts and maneuver such invention- why couldn't I? Wasn't I, too, born with intrinsic abilities to match those of my peers? As the years passed, however, I came to understand that I would never match others in most of my endeavors. Training and practice could only take me so far.

My eyes and arms would never cooperate efficiently enough to perform with the skill of other athletes. My musical ears and breath would never react and adjust as naturally as those of other musicians. I would never be able to look at a logical problem and form a logical solution with the adeptness and speed of other intellectuals.

My thoughts and feelings eventually turned to sadness and a pointed sense of loss, then jealousy. My body and mind were a betrayal of the promise of my existence, condemning me to a life of mediocrity and struggle. To be continually outclassed and unable to retort to the powers and claims of others- what living is that?

It is consolation to know that nature abhors a vacuum; entropy and uniformity are its continual pursuit. That is to say, potential inherently desires to dissipate and flow, to bring up that which is down and vice versa. So it was in my soul. I found myself wanting, serving as a vacuum in a sea of talent and ability. Finding little to match those around me, my only recourse was to fill the gap with the means available.

What I found was an unflinching determination, an uncompromising desire to match them however I might do so. So it was: if I could not rival others in sheer skill, I should rival and surpass them in developing what skill I had. They were the masters of raw skill. I should be the master apprentice. The master student. The master of learning, training, and tutelage.

So I stand today. My skill in any given facet or craft is as minimal as ever, easily outdone by most all I encounter. What success I have found must be atrributed to the devotion with which I have confronted all that I have undertaken. Whether to run, to play music, to work, to love ... I have ever sought to fill the vacuum I sense around and within me. My nature drives me to learn and overcome those deficiencies of body and mind which may be overcome.

Let this be said of me: a patron to the art of learning, a devout parishioner at the altar of human will. Such is my nature, and I find myself happy for it."