Bring Me That Horizon

Did you ever get the feeling that something big was around the corner? That maybe your life was about to take a turn, or that you were about to make a momentous decision?

The last time I felt that way in a positive sense was in November of 2004, during the weekend of my first Cadets' audition camp. Having worked for months on end towards the sole purpose of performing to the best of my ability, my only emotions going into the camp had been excitement, fear, and anxiety. I went to sleep on Friday night knowing that the next day was going to decide whether or not I lived my dream, as Saturday was when individual auditions were held. Sure, you were graded over the course of the whole 60 hour weekend in terms of stamina, focus, and learning ability, but whether or not you were invited to come back really came down to those three minutes you were given to play alone.

Walking down the hall to the audition room, I was led by a young corps administrator who had just aged out the summer before. I'd spent the previous two summers reading the online journal she kept on tour, trying to glean every bit of information I could about the corps and what it was like to live and perform as one of them. She stood with me outside the audition room as I waited for the auditioner before me to play. Thinking I might not get the chance to speak to her again, I said, "I just wanted to let you know that I've read all your blogs, as well as those of your corpsmates. It's an honor to finally meet you." Before she could answer, the door opened, and I walked through it.

Three minutes later I came out, too shell-shocked to immediately comprehend much of anything. Surprisingly, the administrator was still there. Our eyes met, and she only said three words: "How'd it go?" Without thinking, worrying, or pondering for even a second, I replied, "Very well. Very, very well." We walked for a few more seconds before she said, "Good. It was nice to meet you, Jeremy. I think I'll be seeing you next camp."

We parted ways, and as I walked the 200 feet of hall back to the horn arc alone ... there was that click inside me. That premonition that something was about to change, that my hopes of marching were about to come true, that my life was going to be altered for the better in the very near future. It was an amazing feeling, something that I can probably pinpoint as one of the most memorable and lasting moments of happiness I've felt in two decades of living. There are of course many other instances of happiness I can recall- relationships, friendships, performances- but that was one of the few that simultaneously marked a distinct change in the path of my life.

That's the feeling I have now, back at school for the new year. Maybe it's just optimism, or maybe I'm just happy to see friends I missed over break, but for whatever reason ... there's something around the corner. I'm sure of it.

The only thing left to do, then, is figure out what it is, figure out how to get to it, and then find the courage to go after it.

Good night, everyone ... here's to tomorrow.