Cadillac

http://play.rhapsody.com/johnwilliams3/
johnwilliamsgreatesthits19691999/
cadillacoftheskiesfromempireofthesun

If there's one thing I wish, it's that I could sit with you for the longest time and listen to music. We could do it anywhere ... on a cliff overlooking the sea. In the haze of a summer's dusk, rocking on a porch. Under the stars. There's no one perfect place- in an odd way, there are too many places that are perfect.

There'd be no need to restrict the type of music that we listened to. My only rule would be that each selection would have to mean something. It would have to hold a place in your heart, draw something out of you, require something of you. I would offer the same; nothing less than music that meant I had to share some piece of me with you.

As we listened, though, I would have the same regret I always do. As much as my words would try, I wouldn't be able to tell you how the music moved me. I could certainly tell you why it was special ... I could tell you the memories it invoked. I could try to tell you about the images it conjured. I could summon the courage and even tell you that it made me so happy, so afraid, so sad, so peaceful. But the actual how of what the music did- the swell of emotion within my chest, the involuntary wetness in my eyes, the silence of my chattering mind- I could never declare to you in a way that mattered.

The only solution would be for you to see it happen ... for you to hear the notes and see the tears running down my cheeks. To place your hand on my chest and feel my pulse quicken. To reach out and try to experience what I was feeling first-hand.

I'm not very good at expressing myself sometimes. I'll show you anger, joy, humor, frustration, and cynicism quite readily. But sadness, fear, hesitation, or any other sign of weakness ... I have the most difficult time letting them out. There's just a distinct inability in me to look at you and tell you I'm vulnerable. I can't bring myself to say that I need someone, or that I'm afraid what my life would be like without them.

The first step, for now, would be admitting the truth that I really do need the people in my life. To deny that would cheat them and myself.

In the meantime, while I work on that, I was wondering if you wanted to listen to some music. If you're up for it, we could start with the corps hymn and go from there ...