End of the Universe

"You do this all the damn time."

"Yeah, I know."

"If you know, why do you do it? Why do you keep doing this, thinking this way?"

"It's my nature."

"You treat every fucking situation like it could result in the end of the universe. You finally broke that shit for your work ... do you know how annoying that was?"

"You've let me know repeatedly."

"I mean, you can't really be happy that way, can you? Putting all that stress on your shoulders for regular everyday events? Most people live life as a sequence of everyday events. You live it like a fucking soap opera."

"I've been working on it."

"Well work on it a little harder. What do you think, if you fuck something up people will stop loving you? Like your worth will be out the window? I've got bad news ... you're human, jackass. Humans screw up. Humans aren't good at everything. In fact, most humans would love to be really good at something, anything."

"I guess that's part of it. My self-worth is all tied up in what I do and how well I do it. It used to just be work. It's kinda spilling all over the place now. I thought I'd gotten better."

"You can't assume you've changed so much so quickly. You really can't. You stopped putting that pressure on yourself with your work because you realized you don't like your field and you're burned out. It's very easy for you to rationalize from there and be proud for not freaking out. At the end of the day, though, you haven't come so far yet."

"So it would seem."

"Could you do me a favor, then? Realize something. Realize it right now. The people in your life who love you- family, friends, everyone- they love you for who you are and what you mean to them. They don't love you for what you do. Right now you love yourself for what you do. What you should love yourself for is the love you make in this world through those family and friends who matter so much. You're not perfect, and you never will be, but you get so damn wrapped up in trying to be that you lose sight of what matters."

"What do I do?"

"Let go. Just fucking let go of all that angst, all that fear, all that pressure. I don't know how; it's different for everyone. Maybe talk about it. Be more open. Think happy thoughts. Write it all out. Tell yourself that it's okay. Do whatever you need to do to get down the road without thinking that the fate of your family, your lover, or your future is on the line all the time. Have a little faith in them and a little faith in yourself."

"I'll try."

"Good. And when you try, try without putting pressure on yourself to try. Just exist and go with the damn flow. I promise the people in your life will appreciate it."