Destiny Manifest

Some nights are easier than others. So are some days.

It feels like it's been a series of rough nights and distracted days since last Wednesday. The acceptance for Houston felt spur of the moment, uncontrolled, wild ... at least, as wild as I've ever been making that kind of decision.

That acceptance also felt like the final hammerfall. I had worked hard to ensure that I would leave all paths open. Come hell or high water, I would have a viable path to go in any direction or in pursuit of any priority. I would earn what I always strive for- opportunity and choice.

In the most basic sense, at least, I succeeded. My hedging worked and I could go as I would. As of last Wednesday at 11 AM, I could have chosen east or west. Familiar or foreign. Possibly big or definitely home.

I still can't articulate what draws me to Houston. I chose Lehigh six years ago because I knew it was the best choice for my future. I choose Houston now from some indefinable sense of need. Of course part of the decision is because a door closed in the east. I could go there and succeed professionally, see old friends and family, drive roads and eat food and live a life known from having lived it. What I can't explain is my desire to ... not. And it's not a slight against those I'd be seeing, not in the least. I miss so many of them so dearly. It's just that that isn't my strongest want right now.

As an aside, part of me would still give almost anything to reopen that door. Part of me always will. It was special, and it made me so unimaginably happy that it still surprises me sometimes. Maybe it's a little worse now, because all of it is strictly in the past. From my own admission I can tell you that my memories of the past are immortalized in the most pleasing ways possible. Almost without exception, I remember the good. I remember the fun, the smiles, and the joy.

Right now I am ponderous, hurt, and lonely ... but the hard decision has been made. The next few steps of my path are set, waiting for me. And you know what? The good news is that there is never any need to wait in life. Not really. There is always progress to be made. There are miles to run, thoughts to ponder, music to play, friends to make, and loved ones to visit.

Another day, another segue.